A couple of weeks ago, I was reading from the Office of Readings. The passage that day was from the book of Deuteronomy 32:48-52, 34:1-12. This chapter details the event in which the Israelites arrive at the border of the promised land and are able to “feast their eyes” on it. Yet, the Lord tells Moses he will not enter because he broke faith with Him at the waters of Meribath-Kadesh. I felt a particular pain in my heart for Moses knowing he had spent so many years serving God, pouring himself out for an often “stiffnecked” people, patiently carrying their burdens, and continually pleading on their behalf for God’s forgiveness. I also found myself wondering who of us can hope for mercy or second chances if a servant leader like Moses is seemingly punished so.
As I pondered this matter, I prayerfully asked the Lord to help me understand why a temporary breaking of faith with Him in a moment of weakness warranted such a punishment after so many years of faithfulness. After all, isn’t this the same God who told the penitent thief, crucified to His right, that he would be this day with Him in paradise? As I prayed on this, I had a sense of the Lord inviting me to consider what the promised land actually was in this case - what was Moses actually missing out on? It occurred to me that it was nothing more than a piece of land, a beautiful one certainly, the entering of which was a milestone in the events of salvation history and significant in the spiritual journey of the people, but still no more than a material good that would decay along with Moses. The fact that Moses died before reaching it was really nothing to be counted as loss.
It was at this moment that I recognized God the Father’s love for Moses. This seeming punishment was at the same time an act of deliverance. Perhaps the promised land had become an idol for Moses, something he fixated on, something that blinded him to the reality that he already had God with him, even in the desert. Maybe the sin at Meribath-kadesh was one of impatient grasping, of taking matters into his own hands, instead of receiving in an act of trust and faith. It was an indicator that Moses was losing sight of God. He was seeking the gift over the Gift Giver. Moses might have thought that upon making it to the promised land he would finally find rest and satisfaction, but God knows these earthly goods can never fulfill us completely. He doesn’t strip us of our idols to punish us or because he needs His ego stroked. He strips us or allows us to be stripped because He wants us to be truly happy. Additionally, it is possible that Moses thought God wouldn’t be truly pleased with him until he accomplished this task of getting to the promised land. Again, God wants to free us from the lie that we have to earn His love.
As I pondered these matters, I began to see Moses’ death before entering the promised land as an act of mercy. God was not withdrawing Himself but rather calling Moses home to Himself to await the redemption of Christ, to rest in joyful hopefulness for the true promised land which is so much more than a piece of fertile land. God’s actions were a manifestation of His fierce love for Moses and His protection over him. He was steering him back to the true and only source of fulfillment for his heart. When one reads the verse, one gets the impression that Moses didn’t perceive it this way at the time, but rather experienced it as a punishment. Looking back on my own life, I can recall times in which I experienced loss as a consequence of my faults, weaknesses, and sins. What I wasn’t able to see until later was that God was always holding out to me a greater good in those moments, and had I not idolized these things to begin with, the loss would not have been as painful. Yet God patiently waited for me to open my heart to this truth and to realize His love and mercy have always been present to me and will continue to be as I stumble and fall on this journey.
As I continued to pray with this reading over the week, I found myself reflecting on things that have become “promised lands” in my life. I asked myself, “what are the future events, experiences, accomplishments that I fixate on with the hope that upon arriving at them I will experience rest, relief, peace, satisfaction?” How many times have I thought to myself, “I will have more energy when the weather improves, or I will be more at rest when I’m better at my assignment, or I’ll have more security….” I realized these are little idols that I’ve set my mind on. These thoughts alone put me into a state of restless striving. I was thankful to see them for what they were- something other than God. Continuing to pray with this I have found myself before God’s sublime and incomprehensible humility and vulnerability in the Blessed Sacrament. I have found myself, thanks to his grace, saying “You are my promised land and right now in this moment I know that I’m perfectly loved, perfectly seen, perfectly known, understood, forgiven…In you alone is my soul at rest.”
We are not called to toil on this earth for an earthly prize that will decay along with us. Rather, we are invited in the present moment to love God and those he entrusts to us that we might become like Him in heart and mind and one day, alongside our loved ones, gaze on Him face to face - the One who is Love, the One who lit the flame of love within us.
- Sr. June Benedicita Bell, T.O.R.
