My Advent has been spent, thus far, in quarantine and isolation. This was at first because of contact with someone who had COVID, then also because I contracted it myself. At no time have I been terribly sick, and I was pretty happy (especially before isolation, when I still had the run of the house!) to throw myself into all sorts of projects I’d relegated to the back of my desk drawers and bottoms of piles: an editing job I was helping with, piano practice, making Christmas gifts, and mending clothes. But there’s really only so much “work” one can do in one’s room! I finished the editing job, mended all my clothes, was banished from the piano, and even got out all my Christmas cards – with nearly a week left in quarantine.
Knowing my capacity to squander my time reading in a somewhat superficial manner, I realized I needed to find something else to do.
Prayer is always “something to do”, but I have felt that my prayer during this time has not been such a great contribution. Even though I haven’t been very sick, my head has been rather foggier than usual and I just haven’t had the energy to valiantly fight distractions. Long periods of solitude figure largely in my dreams during “normal life” and here I am, possessing my dream, yet somehow unable to employ the time as I’d anticipated!
When I was a novice, I remember learning that “if distractions persist in prayer, they may not be distractions – they may be prayer.” So, I started attending to my distractions, and realized they may indeed have been prayer in disguise. In prayer, many faces and names rose to the surface of my heart: those I serve and serve alongside at the Urban Mission; a lady who had shared something disturbing with me the week before my quarantine began; those who have come to Bible studies I’ve hosted; my brother-in-law, who is waiting to hear if his cancer is responding to chemo; my sisters in community; various intentions entrusted to me “second-hand”; the many who are lonely right now, and my grandmother, who is in assisted care among them; family members in distressing situations; the dying; those in Ethiopia, Nigeria, Iran, Syria, and our own country who are caught in either injustice or violence; the prisoners awaiting execution right here and now in the land of the free and brave.
In his recent Encyclical letter, Fratelli Tutti, the Holy Father referred back to his 2013 Apostolic Exhortation “The Joy of the Gospel,” where he said, “We achieve fulfilment when we break down walls and our hearts are filled with faces and names!” (FT 195). Remembering this, I found comfort and peace.
Maybe I’m not having “deep thoughts” here in a secret room with the Father. But I am remembering to the Father and with the Father my brothers and sisters, His beloved. Memory is a key part of all our relationships – much of the time, sharing memories is the entire content of my conversations with my Grandmother (well, memories and food!). So, if we find ourselves in quiet in this season of watching and waiting – or if we find ourselves busy to the point of distraction – let us simply bring to our Father the faces and names that fill our battered hearts, remembering them, loving them, and letting that be our prayer. And let us thank God for the gift of hearts that are full of faces and names.
Watch a beautiful 3-min. video about our ministry in downtown Steubenville here.
-Sr. Agnes Therese Davis, T.O.R.
