My world felt like it was crashing down around me when Mother Della Marie explained to me the thoughts she and the council had for my new assignment this year. I had been the formation director for our sisters in temporary vows for eight years, and I loved serving my sisters and my community in this way. I was being asked to leave that behind in favor of a new adventure. I had to admit that I was not prepared for the drastic change that she was proposing.
When I left her office, I walked down to the Mary Garden. There, sitting before Our Lady, I gave vent to my emotions and began to weep. In the two hours I spent there, I shed many tears. In between, I allowed my thoughts to flow freely over past events, hopes, dreams, desires, present circumstances, and future possibilities. I began by grieving my “world as I had known it,” but by the grace of God, I was able to begin to let go of my desire to keep to a more familiar routine.
I hate change. But one of the few constants in religious life is change. I’ve had enough changes in my life so far that I’ve learned to handle times of change and subsequent transition with a large dose of patience.
So many of us want to go through times of change quickly and get the transition “over with.” I sense this desire inside myself almost daily. However, adjusting to new schedules, new ministries, a new group of sisters to live with, new names to learn, new challenges to face—all of this takes time and patience, patience, patience. Patience with myself, patience with God, patience with other people. Every time I am tempted to get anxious that this project or that detail is still not done, I tell myself to be patient. It takes time and energy to adjust to life’s changes. And in this time when every day is laced with more uncertainty than usual because of the pandemic, adjusting to a new life requires even more patience.
After my time of grieving and letting go in the Mary Garden when I spoke with Mother Della Marie again, she still proposed a big change in my assignment, but her thoughts had also changed. She asked me to accept a position of pastoral care at Franciscan University and to serve as the Local Sister Servant of Santa Chiara, our house on the main campus. While it was still a little difficult at first for me to let go of formation, I truly enjoy campus ministry at FUS. Although it would be a big change, the house and the ministry were familiar to me since I had served there previously, and I knew this would ease the change for me considerably.
I also knew that when someone makes a commitment to obedience, God provides all the grace that is needed for what is asked. I have not come to religious life to do what I want or to have my own way. I made a vow of obedience, and in our vow formula, we say, “I place myself at the disposal of this religious congregation, to glorify God and to make known His merciful love.”
My sisters and I moved to Santa Chiara on August 7. A month later, we still do not have everything figured out. We are learning new things every day. We are adjusting. We feel like we are treading water, and that can be exhausting. But we are in this together, relying on God and each other, and we are making it work. My world felt like it was falling apart, but it is being gradually rebuilt. And even though I still hate change, I am grateful for it once in a while in my life, because it helps me to grow.
-Sr. Mary Catherine Kasuboski, T.O.R.
