To those who live the vocation of marriage and the single state, our life may seem like one in which we barely touch the ground: all is peaceful, perfectly ordered and love alone rules. Let me assure you that we do touch the ground and at times our feet get pretty muddy, and we can become so lost in the mire that it becomes hard to make sense of things or see God’s plan. But God in his goodness, amidst the crosses of life, reminds us that we do have a destiny.
He does have a plan and in his mercy he gives us “Tabor moments” which allow us to go on as we fix our eyes on Christ. My Jubilee celebration was one such moment: in the midst of so much pain and confusion, as I will explain below, the heavens opened, the clouds parted, the storm was hushed and God was present assuring me that it was all worth it.
The six months leading up to my Jubilee celebration were perhaps the most demanding, terrifying, costly, painful and difficult that I’ve experienced in religious life. The only thing holding me together was the certainty that what I was asked to do was from God. There were moments when I was encouraged to go in a direction other than I felt led. I questioned my ability to go on, and my very vocation was at stake. But He spoke to me through others, gave me courage in the face of tremendous fear, and invited me to live by faith alone, following his will despite how I felt.
I hardly had time to anticipate or prepare for the renewal of my commitment (we renew our vows at the Jubilee Mass) that would hopefully hold me until death… or perhaps the way I was asked to live in faith amid great difficulty was the preparation for this recommitment… His preparation.
Amidst the trials, I questioned if I could recommit my life to the Lord. I once again saw that following the will of God is the foretaste of heaven. As I knelt before our wood relief, joining Mary at the foot of the Cross , knowing that those I love were behind me and He whom I adore was before me (in the Blessed Sacrament), what I experienced was a foretaste of heaven, because this was God’s will for me. It was one of the happiest days of my life.
Sr. Monica Spates, T.O.R.
