I remember very clearly when my dear sister, Sr. Miriam, told me that she was thinking of joining the TOR Franciscan Sisters. It was on a summer’s day in New York. We were there on a vacation in the summer of 2006. We were sitting down outside of a coffee shop when she said, "I’m thinking of joining the TOR Sisters in Ohio". To say that I was stunned would be an understatement. I knew that my sister was quite a religious person- our faith was something that we both shared but I hadn’t had an inkling that she was considering this way of life at all, so it came as quite a shock. It was fitting in many ways that she would tell me this in the United States as that was the place that she would eventually be living, away from our homeland in Ireland.
My immediate reaction was NO! It’s not fair! She is my only sister and I’m going to be separated from her forever! I’ll never get to see her. Why would she want to join a convent in the US anyway? I could only think of myself and what, or rather who, I was going to be losing. I was stunned. I thought that life would never be the same again. It felt almost like she told me she was dying. There was the feeling of "How long does she have left before going in? We have a lifetime of things to do before she enters." It felt like we had to pack everything we would do if she wasn’t entering (50 years of living) into one year. I was very upset. My life suddenly felt unstable, as if a tectonic plate underneath my life had started to move, and I was unsteady on my feet, seeing a big crack form beneath my feet.
But I suppose as humans we have the ability to adapt. After the initial shock, I had loads of questions. I did genuinely want my sister’s happiness and if this was it, then I had to learn to accept that. That was the least I could do for her if I genuinely loved her, which I really did!
I could see that my sister was saying that she was embarking on this journey to see if it was the Lord’s will for her long-term. She told me about her story and shared about how she felt drawn to Eucharistic Adoration and how there was like a cord coming from Our Lord to her and she felt it tug when she was away from Him. I thought that was a beautiful image. I could see that she felt strongly that this could be where the Lord wanted her to be and that she really had to explore, through entering, if this was where she was meant to be. I also knew that she would not stay if she felt that this was not where she was meant to be. It was a free choice taken by her to enter- there was no pressure from anyone and entering the convent was what she wanted.
I remember before she entered we went for a vacation (we always seemed to be on vacation together!) around France and Italy. It was a wonderful time to make memories, have lots of girly chats and enjoy each other’s company (while killing each other at times!!). We also took trips around Ireland before she left and the songs that we listened to on those journeys still remind me, 12 years later, of those trips.
I remember being very sad and upset around the time that Sr. Miriam left from Ireland to enter the Sisters. I was supported by some great friends who empathised with my pain. I also remember going to a local Adoration chapel, crying my eyes out and being upset with God for taking my sister from me. Even now I have tears in my eyes thinking about that time in my life. There was lots of raw pain... pain of separation, pain of knowing she wouldn’t be around for birthdays and Christmas, pain of thinking she wouldn’t be there for the important occasions in my life, pain of the uncertainty over her future, pain of wondering if she would be happy. It was raw and it was hard.
I’m not going to say that 12 years on it’s suddenly easy. No, it’s not. I still miss Sr. Miriam (Sinéad) a lot. However, it’s now a manageable separation. We get to talk once every two months and she gets to come home once a year for 2 weeks. Sr. Miriam was able to come to my wedding, and in fact, as chance or the Lord would have it, she was home in Ireland for some Christmases and birthdays too! When she cannot be there physically at my birthday, she always writes a beautiful letter which I read on the day itself. Those letters have got me through some very tough times as they are full of encouragement and love. The great thing is that I know that my sister is praying (and often fasting) for me too. I have asked her to pray for intentions that seemed impossible and have, by a miracle, been answered. At the end of the day, I know that even though we are somewhat separated physically, we will be forever in heaven together. I know that spiritually she is by my side and praying for me, my husband and my sons, one of whom is her godson.
I see that Sr. Miriam is happy in her vocation, despite the inevitable ups and downs. No vocation is easy; each one requires sacrifice and love. But I think that no matter what vocation you have, you are called to become the best version of yourself (as Matthew Kelly would say). I think that Sr. Miriam has flourished in many ways due to her vocation. She has so many talents, and I think that the variety of convent life has helped her to develop those talents, to help her become who Christ intended her to be. Sr. Miriam’s vocation has helped me also to become a better version of myself also--talking to her on the phone, watching and reading the talks she gives while in the US has helped me to grow and mature in my own faith.
So, in conclusion, as a sister of a Sister, I have to say that accepting your close family member’s decision to follow the call she believes is from God will not be easy, but it will get easier. It will become a source of joy both for her and for you.
